New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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