Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
