K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
