i always forget guys have bellybuttons
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
