I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Houston, we have a squirter
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
