You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
