Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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