I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
