My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
