Just fell off a train. Bad.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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