I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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