You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
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