i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
