i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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