I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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