everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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