When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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