we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
