Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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