mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
