Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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