Pappa wants mamma naked
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
