I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
