oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
All the doctor said was why
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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