who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
