Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
