Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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