Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
