i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
