About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
