I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
