when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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