i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
