we have officially lost it.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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