i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
