nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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