does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I am one with the molecules
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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