Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
