Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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