They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
