could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
