To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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