guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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