If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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