Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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