so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
