I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
