I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
