Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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