My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
