Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Randomize
