we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
