he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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