I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
