his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
