I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i barfeds in our rink
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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