He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
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You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
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Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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