This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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