I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
