Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
