I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
