my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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