He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
