Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You made out with two different species that night
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
