i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
