I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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