I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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